Twinn Swan

The painful truth that emerged from the repeated experiences I had in my relationships is that the lack of support was not due to any shortcoming on my part, but rather a repeated failure on the man’s side to rise to what a partnership truly requires.

Too often, I encountered men who were unwilling or unable to move beyond ingrained patterns of self-centredness, emotional unavailability, or insecurity. Their support was conditional—offered only when it suited their needs or when it came without demanding vulnerability or sacrifice. It was withheld when my ambitions challenged their sense of control or threatened their comfort zones.

These failures were not reflections of my worth or efforts, but clear indications of the reluctance or incapacity of the other person to engage as a genuine partner. This imbalance made it painfully clear that it is the man’s responsibility to grow, adapt, and fully commit if the relationship is to be a place of mutual growth and respect.

These experiences made clear to me how deeply important it is to have a partner who is not only willing, but eager to support your ambitions and emotional needs. Without that support, the weight of expectations and challenges can become overwhelming, turning relationships into sources of stress rather than strength. It is painful to feel unseen or undervalued by someone who should be your strongest ally.

Yet, these personal struggles also fueled my conviction that demanding better is not just valid but necessary. Women should not have to settle for partners who offer anything less than consistent encouragement and respect. Each time I faced this lack of support, it only reinforced how critical it is to set and uphold clear expectations for what a healthy, equitable partnership looks like—because every woman deserves to be uplifted genuinely and wholeheartedly.

This ongoing personal reality deepens my understanding of the issue and strengthens my voice in insisting on change. It reminds me that advocating for better support is not merely a preference, but a fundamental need for dignity, growth, and happiness in relationships.

The Reality

Relationships are inherently complex and imperfect, meaning there is no one-size-fits-all formula for how support and understanding between partners will appear or evolve. This complexity arises because each person brings their own history, vulnerabilities, expectations, and social conditioning into the relationship. Accepting this imperfection, however, does not mean accepting imbalance or disrespect as unavoidable; rather, it acknowledges that meaningful change in how partners relate to one another requires ongoing effort, communication, and patience.

The dynamics surrounding why some men downright refuse to support women in their endeavours and how this affects relationships are more complex and deep-rooted than they may initially appear. For many women, this experience breeds frustration, resentment and exhaustion—feelings that are entirely valid given the recurring societal challenges and emotional labour involved.

Patience is vital because change—whether in individual behaviours, emotional availability, or attitudes—does not happen overnight. When women face resistance or lack of support, it is natural to feel anger and resentment. These emotions are valid and serve as important signals highlighting where the relationship is failing to meet fundamental needs. Rather than dismissing these feelings, recognising them as responses to real struggles is essential for honest dialogue and growth.

Moreover, the legitimacy of feeling anger or resentment affirms that women’s struggles are not imagined or exaggerated, but grounded in ongoing relational dynamics that challenge their emotional and aspirational well-being. Equally important is the right to seek and demand better—better treatment, better support, and better partnership. This demand is not selfish; it is an affirmation of worth and humanity that sets the tone for a relationship where both individuals can thrive.

At the heart of this is the recognition that women today seek relationships where they are fully respected as individuals with ambitions, emotions, and autonomy. This means having a partner who not only encourages her goals, but actively participates in creating an environment conducive to her growth—whether that’s sharing household responsibilities, providing emotional validation, or standing as an ally in social and professional spaces. Expecting this kind of support is consistent with women’s evolving roles and aspirations and reflects their fundamental right to accompaniment on their life journeys.

Unrealistic is the expectation that women accept anything less than partnership marked by shared effort and real emotional presence. Society’s residual norms often pressure women to compromise or lower expectations under the guise of “being reasonable” or “understanding men’s limitations,” but this undermines women’s well-being and devalues their contributions. Women’s call for a supportive partner is not about perfection, but about rejecting imbalanced partnership dynamics that place unfair burdens on them alone to hold relationships or families together.

Women’s feelings of anger or disappointment toward unsupportive partners are not flaws or failings, but authentic signals that their needs for respect and help are going unmet. These emotions become catalysts for demanding better treatment, which in turn fosters healthier communication and partnership dynamics over time. To settle for less is to ignore these signals, risking long-term dissatisfaction and emotional exhaustion.

Modern psychology increasingly recognizes that having a good partner involves both emotional availability and practical support. Women’s expectations align not just with personal desires but with substantial research showing that equitable support correlates with relationship longevity, happiness, and mental well-being for both partners. Thus, expecting a man who is committed to genuinely supporting and uplifting a woman in her pursuits is not only justified but essential for mutual flourishing.

Women deserve partners who meet them as equals—who celebrate their ambitions, share burdens, listen deeply, and stand by them consistently. This is not an unreasonable ideal but one backed by research and emerging social norms that call for more balanced, respectful, and nurturing relationships.