Twinn Swan

In the philosophy of Kashmir Shaivism, spanda is the subtle, primordial vibration—the living pulse of consciousness itself, the ceaseless urge of Shiva, the Divine Masculine to manifest through Shakti, the Divine Feminine.

Spanda is not mere movement, but the dynamic, creative throb that animates all existence. In every relationship, every moment, this pulse invites growth, transformation, and emergence. Yet, wherever there is spanda, there is also the temptation of stasis—the urge to freeze, control, and resist the unpredictable flow of life.

Why Men Resist: Stasis Against Spanda

When a man tries to stop, diminish or downplay his wife’s achievements, he is not simply acting out of ego or tradition. At a deeper level, he is resisting the call of spanda—the invitation to allow life’s pulse to move through his relationship and himself. Her growth, creativity, and career success are visible expressions of spanda: they signal change, newness and the dissolution of old forms.

For many people, this is profoundly unsettling. Spanda, by its nature, disrupts the comfort of fixed roles. It demands that the man himself adapt, evolve, and perhaps even relinquish the identity he has built around being the primary achiever or authority. Downplaying his wife’s flourishing becomes a way to cling to stasis, to maintain a familiar order—even if that order is lifeless or limiting.

The Spiritual Cost of Stasis

Shaivism teaches that to deny spanda is to deny the very principle that sustains the universe. Suppressing a partner’s growth is not just a personal or social act—it is a metaphysical rebellion against the creative pulse that animates both the cosmos and the intimate space of relationship. Over time, this refusal to move with spanda leads to stagnation, frustration, and alienation—from one’s partner, from oneself, and from the divine source.

To overcome this dynamic, Shaivism offers a radical invitation: attune to spanda. This requires:

Letting go of fixed identities: The man must be willing to dissolve the rigid self-image that stasis protects, and discover a deeper, more fluid sense of self—one that is co-created with his partner.

Recognising growth as sacred: Every achievement, every act of flourishing by one’s partner is an expression of the divine pulse. To support it is to participate in the cosmic dance.

Embracing uncertainty: Spanda is unpredictable. True partnership means surrendering to the unknown, allowing both partners to be remade by the pulse of life.

Rejection

Shakti, the Divine Feminine, must refuse and reject the binary of movement versus stasis and instead cultivate a living tension—an embodied spanda that holds both presence and becoming simultaneously. This is no easy feat; it requires a radical acceptance of contradiction and paradox within herself.

By doing so, she no longer vibrates at a frequency that invites containment or negation. Instead, her presence becomes a dynamic threshold, a liminal space where fixed identities dissolve and new forms emerge. This threshold is uncomfortable and destabilising for those clinging to stasis, making it less likely that she will attract or tolerate partners who embody resistance to change.

Conclusion

In the Shaivite view, the choice is stark: cling to stasis and wither, or ride the pulse of spanda and flourish together. When a man supports his wife’s growth, he is not losing ground—he is awakening to the living pulse of consciousness itself, becoming a true participant in the ceaseless, ecstatic dance of Shiva and Shakti.