I came to the epiphany yesterday that it is only a person who is in a tremendous amount of pain that can inflict that pain on another. And whilst I don’t have anything I really want to atone for – there’s still people I need to forgive. Because if I do not do that, I will continue to suffer long after they’ve gone from my life.
And as I settled into relaxation mode, I realised how tired I was. It’s kind of like running long distance. As long as you keep going, you don’t realise how tired you are. But the moment you slow down to catch your breath – all that running on empty catches up with you. I felt depleted, drained and just devil-may-care. I didn’t feel like being the together and responsible person that I ordinarily am. I didn’t feel like talking to anybody from work or going out to socialise. I needed time to recuperate. Hibernate. Replenish my tired soul.
Why do we find it so difficult to cut people out of our life when we KNOW they’re bad for us? In the case of toxic relationships – where there is abuse, bullying and violence – the answer is obvious, clear and there for everyone to see. In other less dangerous situations, it may not be as obvious. Nothing seriously ‘bad’ has happened, but… things are simply not working.
It’s been a tough week. One where I’ve had to make very difficult decisions. Face some hard truths. Do things I’d rather not. Make necessary but painful decisions about who stays in my life and who goes. Embodying the energy of the Suit of Swords is not something that comes easily to me. When the choice is between preserving yourself and destroying another, what do you choose?
Most people love the idea of being a ‘boss’. They want nothing more than to be ‘in charge’. They love being the top dog, the alpha, the one that runs the whole show. Unfortunately, most people want to rule over others. They have no idea how to lead others. This isn’t surprising. Leadership isn’t a subject that’s taught in school or a skill that’s actively encouraged.
The waking life and the world of dreams. These days, we largely think of the former as ‘real’ and the later as ‘make believe’. But this was not the case to ancient Egyptians. To them, the two worlds were invariably intertwined.
Cutting the belly – seppuku or harakiri – is a form of Japanese ritual suicide originally reserved for the samurai: the medieval military class. The purpose of Seppuku was to achieve an honourable death. The practise was sometimes used to die voluntarily rather than fall into the hands of their enemies – and likely suffer torture. At other times, it was used as a form of capital punishment for samurai who had committed serious offences or had brought shame to themselves.