I was 20 the first time I had a tarot card reading. It was odd. Awkward. WEIRD. If you had told me that I was going to be a tarot card reader 9 years later, my reaction would have been to laugh hysterically and unfriend you on Facebook. The 2017 Chinese New Year changed everything.
“Tarot is not about predicting the future, but more about interpreting life as it now and suggesting future direction. It gave me an insight into what my current life issues are. It shows some of the patterns of behaviour in one’s life and gives a guide as to how to get out of those bad habits. Because of its link to astrology – it is quite scientific-based. But there is still some mysticism to it. Like why do the same cards come out for me over and over again? We’ve done so many readings now that it can’t just be by chance.”
It’s only the people you love who have the power to truly hurt you. Who have the power to do the unspeakable to you and leave you for dead. This is beyond pain. This is annihilation of everything that you are. Everything you hold dear. Everything that is sacred to you. This is death by fire by those who are closest and dearest to you. This is destruction at its cruelest and most unimaginable.
When I drew this particular card in a tarot reading today – I couldn’t help…
I fill my days with all kinds of things that bring money and certainty. Everyone tells me that ‘I’ve done well for myself’ – but deep down, my accomplishments feel like nothing because I’m not being myself. I’m an inauthentic version of me doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I had bigger dreams. Bigger goals. Bigger plans. Bigger everything. When did I throw it all away? Why did I throw it all away?
The world is a crowded place full of attractions and…distractions. There is nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. No quick fix left to give you that temporary high. Another drink won’t make it all better. Another cigarette isn’t going to make things alright. The next country, the next relationship, the next God-knows-what isn’t going to make things different. You’ve done all those things already – and your problems have stayed the same. You can’t lie to yourself anymore.
If anyone’s ever spoken to you bluntly without caring a hoot about your feelings – you know it hurts like hell. Or if you’re waiting for someone to say something…and they don’t. I told her I loved her and she didn’t say it back. That’s the Suit of Swords in action. Words have more power than swords, I assure you.